Top Ten #1: Reasons Your Patient is NOT in 10 out of 10 Pain

10. The patient is sitting in bed doing a crossword.
9. They are jabbering non-stop on the phone with the friend.
8. They ate their entire dinner and then asked for more.
7. They tell you that they're in 10 out of 10 pain in a totally dead-pan bored voice.
6. The patient gets up and walks around the hospital floor all the time.
5. Their blood pressure and heart rate are completely normal.
4. They are supremely worried about the channels they get on TV.
3. They will only take IV pain medications and will not try anything by mouth at all.
2. They are "allergic" to morphine.
1. They don't LOOK like they're in any kind of pain.

Is this cynical? Maybe.